Conversations in the Cubbon - II

"Did you and Appa fight again?" queried Asha, having waited for an answer but having got none. Sandhya and Krish did have some run-ins, but were careful enough to ensure that the same did not spill in front of Asha. But, last week, they could not avoid a very rough showdown when Asha was present.

“No” said Sandhya.

"But we are happy Ma....Aren't we ?  I like Appa…I do not want you to divorce “ said Asha.

" Yes Krish is certainly a good man, but,we are not right for each other."

"Can you and Appa not be friends for some more time ? You have already lived together for a long time Ma, Haven't we ?" Asha persisted.

"We have tried that for some time and it is not working.  The more we stay together, the more we will be unhappy and the disagreements will turn into fights.Do you think, if Amma and Appa are sad and fighting, you will be happy ?"

There was a pause. Sandhya was not sure if she was speaking the right language to a child. But her brains were not allowing her to articulate.

After a few moments, Sandhya prodded Asha to have the other wrap. "I have brought two of them for you."

"So who will I be with?"

Very practical. Kids know what to ask. It is adults who sometimes try to beat around the bush.

"With me of course! Kids are always with the mother. As much as your Appa would like to be with you, he cannot. But he has said that he will visit you frequently."

"Can I stay with Appa too for sometime?" 

"Asha, you will be with me, under my care. Yes, your father will come and take you to his place at times." Ah, possessiveness! That was the first time Sandhya was firm during the conversation.

"Oh.... "

  

Asha sat, trying to nibble slowly at her wrap.

Another few moments of silence. During the course of a chat with so much emotional upheaval, the most uncomfortable, uncertain and uneasy moments are those which involve silence. Just silence. Only that, that silence is deafening.

"I am happy that you will be with me," said Sandhya, making another of her attempts to make Asha feel comfortable. "We can go out, play, have fun..."

"Amma, won't you and Appa come back together again?  At school, I fight with my friends, but after some days, we are back together. We talk and make up. Can't you and Appa do the same? "

If only relationships were so simple as in school! All people are good. It is just that many of them suck at relationships. They just suck, plain and simple. But Sandhya could obviously not say that to Asha. As such she was not aware as to where the conversation was going inasmuch that if it was alright to speak to a kid like what she had done. But she had no choice. She had to get it across to Asha. She would get to know in the future anyway.

"Certain things are just not meant to be, Asha," she fumbled, searching for answers. "We tried... But..." she paused,  not knowing where to go. "Once a person is able to find the common ground, the issue is resolved. It is difficult at times. However, to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there is a solution. I and Appa could not find that common ground, I guess."

There comes a point in time when you realise that maybe you made a mistake. How could she get across to Asha that it had now dawned that she and Krish were parallel lines? Parallel lines have the same characteristics, but they never meet. There is a possibility that two people who are so similar in tastes,  opinions, likes and dislikes cannot gel together as a couple. Thus the relationship takes a nosedive after a point of time. But, again, how do you put it across to a child? Even adults may not understand. Sandhya was again confused if she put it right on to Asha. But, again articulating and circumstances are not friends.

It started drizzling in Bangalore. A slight drizzle. Sandhya and Asha were firmly ensconced in their seats with the heavy canopy of trees sheltering them from the rain.

"Amma, aren't you having anything?"

"I am not feeling hungry. You have your wrap."

"Have half of it, Amma. I have already had one more."

The love, the care, the affection. Just when you need the most. Kids can be therapeutic. Sandhya drew Asha close to her and placed a kiss on her head. A little warm hug followed. This is what you need when you are in a situation like this. You are confused as to whether you have made the right move, where it will go and how things will pan out. All the more, what the future portends. One makes up one's mind and does things with the hope that the future is brighter than the present.

"I love you, Asha. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Amma."

A pause and another hug. "When will Appa come from Singapore?"

Sandhya understood. She could take Asha out of Krish but not Krish out of Asha. It was indeed going to be a long  haul. It would be different, even difficult. She did not know how her life would pan out. What lay in store for Asha. 'Your future is how you use your present to correct your past.... or use your past to correct your present,' she firmly told herself.  

Her mobile phone buzzed.

 "Yes? I will be there in Koramangala. 30 minutes. Add 15-20 more for our traffic!" She took her pink umbrella out.

In about ten minutes, the beige Tata Nano disappeared into the bumper-to-bumper traffic of beautiful Bangalore. At the back seat, Asha looked out of the window. The Cubbon was growing distant by the minute in the now pounding rain.