(images sourced from the internet)
He who delivers another from danger and removes terror from the mind is the greatest of friends.
- The Upanishads
Because I want us to be friends again. I made some really bad choices and I am sorry.....if we don’t fix this now, it won’t be fixed.
- Katie Mcgarry
In life we never lose friends, we only know who our true ones are.
- Anonymous
I used to know you the best and now I don’t even know your name.
- Mya Waechtler
True regret is knowing you simply missed your only opportunity to be simply a good friend to someone that was exactly like you.
- Shannon L Aider
When a love affair ends, the tree is torn out quickly. The operation is painful, but clean. Friendship withers quietly, there is always hope for revival.
- Anna Lyndsey
Friendship is delicate as glass. Once broken, it can be fixed. But there will always be cracks.
- Waqar Ahmed
The worst pain in the world goes beyond the physical. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel. It is the betrayal of a friend.
- Heather Brewer
Fake friends believe in rumours. Real ones believe you
- Anonymous
A friendship that can cease can never be real.
- St.Jerome
There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t even jump puddles for you.
- Anonymous
No person is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow.
- Alice Walker
A friendship is
a very unique relationship, something to be treasured for life. It gives you
something which no other relationship can give, which is why it is said that if
a husband and wife are best friends, there is nothing more they can ask for. A
friend is a person whom you can turn to in the darkest moments of your life.
The reason is that all of us wear masks outwardly and to the world, we are
generally people who are putting on or trying to put on an ideal behaviour. But
with friends, we are ourselves. We break down in front of them. We long for
their shoulders to lean on. We thank them profusely, particularly in our
hearts, when they support us. In fact, during the darkest moments of our lives,
either we are alone, or with friends.
A relative can
be a friend, but a friend is not considered a relative. The reason perhaps is
friends are those people who are intangibly related to you and bring so much
value to your life, which others can never bring.
The thing that I
am going to discuss in this post is not on the importance of friendships –
everyone knows that and has a perspective on that – but what you do when a
friendship is breaking. I am talking about real genuine friendships and really
thick ones. This is not applicable to acquaintances. When do you find that a
friendship is breaking? There are a lot of pointers - the friend avoids you,
does not text you (often as before, sometimes), does not reply to texts,
manages an awkward smile when in front of you, is not as open as before, keeps
largely silent when with you, does not keep you informed about his or her
whereabouts – you can see them coming.
The biggest pointer is when you start learning about them from others. This
means that the person is really trying to avoid you.
What do you do?
It hits you, doesn’t it? It does, particularly when you value those
relationships. It makes you numb. The hardest thing for me is when a friend
treats me as an acquaintance, a nobody at times.
Well, for
starters, analyse when it went wrong and where it went wrong. If the friend who
has tried to move away from you is really someone to be valued and with a clear
and level head, then there should be a reason why this happened. What did you
do to him or her that resulted in this situation? Think of situations that
could have changed had you behaved differently. Situations where you could have
behaved better. Sported a more supportive demeanour. Incidents that tested your
trust and you were found wanting. Actions and words which could have led to
this situation. Be more sensitive, particularly, to man-woman relationships
i.e. where you are friends with the opposite sex. There is a possibility that one
could even get attracted to the person in such cases and where you take it
depends upon you both. However, it is important to ensure that the friendship
is treasured.
Never be
judgemental, but gauge yourself. I am sure, you will find situations where you
could have done better, much better. This is because, no human action can be
set right in hindsight. We are what we do and we don’t ‘do’ right many a time.
A lot of reasons could result in this – there could be a series of
misunderstandings that could build up, a friend may even be jealous of you (in
which case you cannot do anything), a third party would have spoken or done
something to drive a wedge (happens in most cases.....I really am unable to
fathom what pleasure they derive from such acts), or there could have been
something that could have gone wrong between you – an argument, perhaps?
Introspect as to
whether you have been at fault. Once you have found that you are at fault, just
approach the friend and apologise. It is tough, particularly for persons who
have huge egos, but if you value the relationship, it is nothing. Be honest,
say things from your heart and mean them when you say them.
This takes a
huge burden off your chest. It does. I have done that.
Now, wait for
the other person to accept your apology. It is not easy for some people to
change immediately. Uniquely, I have very high tolerance limits and perhaps a
bottomless glass of patience. I can accept an apology and move on in an instant.
People may take time to do that. It could be, because they value you more than
you think they do. At times, a friendship can actually bond stronger after it
breaks. Unlike any other relationship, a friendship can take off again at any
point of time. Time, as I always say, is the best healer. Give the other person
space and things, time.
Now, how much is
time is ‘time’? Depends on you, I
would say. It depends on how long can you wait for the person to come back to
you. A week, a month, a couple of months, even six months – all this depends on
your tolerance limits and ability to play the waiting game. More importantly,
the value you attach to the relationship.
But, what if it
does not happen?
Well it is tough,
but simple. Easy and difficult. No life can depend on one person. If the person
values you, he or she would not do this to you. A famous actor said, “I make it harder for the persons who like
me most.”
It is true with
many friends. They make it hardest for you. They perhaps want you to realise
what you meant to them. But remember, no relationship matters so much that you
hurt yourself. To me, a friend is unique. I can count, on my fingers, the
number of close friends I have and I will still have a lot of unused fingers! No
one can replace a friend. In fact, for me, no friend can replace another
friend.
There will be a
breaking point. At that time, just let it go. Letting it go is tough - it
crushes you - but not letting it go keeps crushing you. As I said in one of my earlier
posts, when someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices
by removing yourself from the equation.
Do it and your
heart will get lighter. Move on. You can.
