An Orwellian approach to an ideology

Twitter has taught me a lot. It continues to, every day. 

An app to air news and views, it has grown humongously over the years. With 400 million users around the world as of April 2021 and growing, Twitter has risen in leaps and bounds. 

Curiously and more particularly in the Indian context, it serves to remind how polarized one can get. Most Indian exchanges are laden with profanity, presumptions and innuendos. It does not take any great intelligence to find whose side one is on. If you are on Indian twitter, one has to take sides. Let’s take politics, because it’s so ingrained in our lives and India – read ‘Indian twitter’ - likes to colour every action, inaction, rain and shine with political brush. Every post of yours only serves to prove to the average twitter user as to who side your leanings are on.

Every post of yours should serve to remind whether you are right wing or left. And you get swarmed by the ones of your ilk. Your followers and the people you follow on Twitter are reflective, generally speaking, of your ideology – read ‘where you lean’.

So the left wing keeps ripping the right wing off and vice versa. But the tone is worse than ripping – it involves name calling, cursing, getting personal, using cuss words and what not – posts are hate filled. It’s like overgrown people behaving like primary schoolchildren – in fact, I should not be putting down school children this way – they, I am certain, are relatively well behaved. The ease of the process of posting – just a phone and a data connection – and the relative anonymity it offers leads to people getting vicious most of the time. Though twitter has rules for abusive behavior, most of this has to be exercised through self-control.

Now all this is fine – that is how, by now we have come to see that Indian twitter is wired. But the placing of users in a bracket is where truth becomes the casualty. Now, for the left wing, the right wing is black and they are supposed to be the bad guys. The right wing too, makes no bones of that fact – they lean ‘right’, of course, posts are driven by emotions and 

The left wing, on the other hand, portrays itself as the most liberal gang on planet earth. But the devil is in the details. I don’t have any issues with The left wing’s problem is that they are simply intolerant of anything that they don’t agree with, contrary to the image of a liberal – the liberal is supposed to hear both sides. The stand taken is that either you are on my side or you are not. My way or the highway. There are set patterns of thinking, which is evident in a left wing post – whataboutery, ganging up and support of the strong leftist media. The last mentioned, the leftist media – usually well fed by moneybags from Europe and America - seeks to totally influence thought and proceeds on the assumption that there will be only one side of the moon. Now the difference in this thought process is this – saying that the other side of the moon is dark is one thing but saying that the other side itself does not exist, despite its existing as clear as daylight, is another. 

My experience is that the left wing’s ladder of inference is that there does not exist a common definition of ‘liberal’, but as I, as the left wing, define it. This leads to very little logic on most happenings that tend to be contrary to their ideology – violence, for example, in a right wing rule state is condemned with vehemence whereas that in a left wing ruled state is given an absolute go-by. There is total hypocrisy in positions taken. In the end, this leads to the left being an antithesis of what it supposedly stands for – anti fascism, democracy and brotherhood, but being more illiberal than even the angry right. 

And, oh yeah, things and people are slotted. Some groups of people – read castes, religious, the minority etc. are always the oppressed whereas the others are always the oppressors and evil, thus making them responsible for things whether they do them or not. So it is alright to discuss about the riots in a right wing ruled state until the cows come home, but not that in a left wing ruled state. The two facedness cannot be more stark. There is literally no appreciation for any good that happens in a right wing ruled state. There shouldn’t be. What is even significant is that unfortunate happenings in a left wing ruled state are deliberately sidestepped. If you try to engage with a left winger on those, all you will get is silence. To modify a Kennedy saying, the left wing ‘intelligentsia’ operates on the principle that what is mine is mine and what is yours is also mine. Then there is no room for dialogue.  

Ask a left winger as to why the Indian history book should carry the suffix ‘the Great’ for Alexander, Ashoka and Akbar and not, for example, for a Samudra Gupta or Raja Raja Chola or Lalitaditya, all you will be met with is stony silence. You can debate on Gujarat riots but not on the Godhra train burning which starterd it all; you can debate on the Kandhamal riots but not on  – thus, there is denial of reality. This pattern of behavior spills on to every opinion of the left wing. Some leaders of yore are gods and demigods and one cannot debate constructively if it involves anything negative about them. And yes, every right wing government results in a dystopian society – all these, and a lot more. And less said about the definition of ‘secularism’, the better – for the left winger, it acquires different meanings in different contexts and situations. So the left wing, anachronistic in its own way, more than possesses so called neo fascist potential of the right wing, albeit in a different sense. The difference, which is even significant, is that it is aware of the weakness and shortcoming in its arguments which it chooses to look the other way, when riled.  The icing on the cake is that, in today’s context, despite all this, the right wingers continue to seek validation from the left. 

For a healthy debate and constructive criticism there is a need for a need to allow a level playing field where one is truly liberal. Truth be told, in today’s context, nobody is wholly right wing or true left wing - we all take a right-centric or left-centric stand on certain issues. One’s ideology need not be always right or left. Capitalism has brought with itself a facet of communism. After all, it is a viewpoint. 

I belong to no wing, but I am yet to meet a ‘left-winger’ who is an anti-thesis of the frailties exposed above – I hope I will.

The Art of Leadership

 

“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.”

-         Jim Rohn American entrepreneur

“In the happiness of his subjects lies his happiness; in their welfare his welfare; whatever pleases himself he shall not consider as good, but whatever pleases his subjects he shall consider as good”.

-          Chanakya

 “Leaders think and talk about the solutions; the followers think and talk about the problems”

-         Brian Tracy, Canadian author

“The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things.”

  – Ronald Reagan

 

Thousands of articles have been written on leadership and still it always remains discussed as a pivotal topic, when it comes to teams – sport, explicitly – whether at the workplace or the field, families, states and nations, sometimes the world. In any sphere of life, you are expected to lead one day. Atleast most are, due to age and experience, largely.

Leadership is the art of piloting / steering (the closest synonyms I could find to ‘leading’) a team. A leader is a person who takes a team forward. A person acquires leadership by age and experience (organisations), age/seniority (place in society, family, even workplace), being a standout performer (sport, academics) intuitiveness and willingness to lead (multiple fields). But I feel though leadership can be instilled – there are many training programs, role playing programs -  a lot of great leaders are born. The latter have a flair, natural ability to lead a team; it is something innate in them which makes others want to be a part of the leader’s team. There may be, for example, a person who is not a standout performer, but has a gift of leading a team.

We can take a lot of examples from sport, notably cricket, given the cricket obsessed nation that we are. The most famous of captains in men’s cricket is Mike Brearley, so famous that Rodney Hogg, an Australian bowler, once remarked “That man has a degree in people.” Brearley went on to be one of the few sportspersons to be feted for his captaincy. He could lead a not so great English side to victories by galvanising his men and shrewd tactics. His book ‘The Art of Captaincy’ is a must read for all budding leaders. Closer home, Ganguly and Dhoni are supposed to be great leaders of men’s cricket teams.

But for me, one standout example is Arjuna Ranatunga, the Sri Lankan Captain, who led a bunch of no hopers to winning he world cup. There was one particular instance when he made his entire team leave the field in solidarity with Muttiah Muralitharan a bowler who was called for ‘chucking’. This was at the height of the Sinhala-Tamil conflict with Ranatunga being a Sinhalese and Muralitharan being a Tamilian. This was not just symbolic of leadership, but a statement that the leader stands with the team despite differences. A team rallies around a leader who stands up for them.

At the workplace, why do we call someone a great leader? The answer is simple. Ask yourself one question: What do you work for in an organisation? Money, progress (read: ‘promotions’) etc. are enticing enough but initiate an involuntary response in a person to come to office. My take is that one always works for the boss. It is always the boss who makes you come to office involuntarily. Do you find that your productivity is automatically a few notches higher under a boss you prefer to work with?

A leader can get the best out of his or her team when he/she affords the team space, the ability to think out of the box, allow them to come up with multiple options to reach a goal, do not interfere at each step of work,be able to handle pressure and more importantly, not be insecure of his/her place in the team. The last said characteristic is a must important ‘have’ for a leader. Insecurity is the result of the anxiety of a leader of loss of spotlight due a team member is stealing the thunder or. Insecurity also arises due to the leader not being able to contribute as much as one or some of the team members as well as the fear that the team member will outshine the leader. The cause for this is primarily due to the fact that the leader is not equipped enough or plain jealousy. Such a person is not a ‘leader’ in my book. The leader should be more than willing to share the limelight; in fact, the leader should understand that the limelight is only due to the team. A captain, as they say, is only as good as his team.

There are many approaches to leadership – from autocratic to laissez faire. Though there is no ‘optimum’ approach to leadership - it is a multihued art - the best ones are participative and consultative. At the end of the day, what do you want? To reach the goal and where the team feels satisfied and fulfilled. The success of a leader is a paradox - when the team feels orphaned without him / her in an exigency but still performs and succeeds with the thought that it is working for the leader.  

One other aspect that I am not too fond of is being an ivory tower leader – in this, leader does not move out of his/her seat but dictates terms from a cabin.  When you work with your team, as one of the members, the output is something else. Take their ideas, allow them to bloom. A leader, like a family member, will have favorites in the team, but should not use that an excuse to dump all work on that person who delivers – one day, this might lead to the proverbial killing the goose that lays the golden egg. It is the job of the leader to ensure that no team member feels left out - Tap skills unique to each person.

Leadership is purely a team thing. Leaders instill in their people a hope for success and a belief in themselves. Positive leaders have a vision and empower people to accomplish their goals; they, at the end of the day, have to get the work done. In fact, leaders create leaders.

Mike Brearley has the last word on leadership:

“We’re all interpreters of each other, some people more than others. Some are more able to use it in a practical way than others, because it’s one thing to be academically shrewd and quite another for that to enter your behaviour with others and help them do better — those things need to be taken into account. Leading a side is about two things — tactics and strategy and man- or woman-management. If you give a bowler a ball and give him options he didn’t think of before, then that may spur his performance.”

 

Acceptance

“I’m not okay, you’re not okay, and that’s okay.”

– William Sloane Coffin

 

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

– Mark Twain

 

“It is easier to make our wishes conform to our means than to make our means conform to our wishes.”

– Robert E. Lee

 

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

– Lucille Ball

 

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.”

– Dalai Lama

 

“Acceptance doesn’t mean that life gets better; it just means that my way of living life on life’s terms improves.”

– Sharon E. Rainey

 

The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.”

– Stephanie Perkins

 

Around a couple of years back, a friend and I were having one of our deep discussions on life - the seeming unpredictability of the future, and impact of situations and thoughts on daily living. During the course of the discussion, she posed, “have you ever thought of accepting where you are?”

 

We all have heard of ‘accepting’ things in life. Well acceptance is something we all read about, casually use in conversations and hear philosophers speak about. Accepting something is understanding that the situation, the person, the time is what it is and not looking at these through coloured prisms i.e. sans resistance. We are mortals and we want things in life, the way we want and the time when we want. Disappointments surge when we don’t get these. But when we are able to look at these through a dispassionate eye, the discontent is marginal.

 

Acceptance is of two types:

 

i.             Passive

ii.           Active

 

Passive acceptance is accepting people, situations etc. as they are - when you see something, and believe that you cannot do anything to change it and move on; active acceptance is when you try to do something about it. An example can be a chain smoker in the family. When you believe that the person can never change the habit and you live with it, it is passive acceptance. When you accept that smoking is an inseparable part of the person but you try to help him or her kick the habit, you exhibit active acceptance.

 

Acceptance involves a very important thought – that we live in an imperfect world and we are also epitomes of imperfection, as much as the others. We all have our own ‘Achilles heels’, our own pitfalls. We want people to think like us, live like us; that is the starting point of dissatisfaction and a muddy mind. When you are not disturbed, you are clear when you make a decision.

 

Do you know why? It is because acceptance actually results in making you see a clearer picture; it sharpens your intellect.

 

One facet of acceptance is diverting oneself from situations one can do nothing about. A very common example is being caught in a traffic jam. What do we do when there are vehicles in front of us, to the back of us and to the sides of us? Is cussing and cursing and being exasperated about the jam going to change the situation? No. So we do things to divert ourselves from the seemingly static situation we can do nothing about - play music, chat with a co passenger etc. By these actions, we are also unconsciously accepting the fact that we have to lose time in the traffic jam.

 

Accepting situations, people needs an open mind, which will help you tide over things. It ensures one is not disturbed or angry. One needs to reassure oneself that acceptance doesn’t mean resignation and the consequent morbidity, but only means that one has recognise that something is what it is.

 

Live in the present moment, they say. What does that mean? Worrying about yesterday or tomorrow is one of the walls to acceptance. It is important to think, but not question the present moment. It is inevitable, whatever happens can never happen differently. The heart is precious real estate. Don’t give this to people who don’t deserve it. I remember writing once on letting go. There is a time to recognise that one has to let go; this is one of the stages of acceptance. Learning to live with things is acceptance; you do that by letting go too.

 

Unrealistic expectations are a barrier to acceptance and one has to pluck them out. It is important to learn from the present as one will never get it back. One of the symbols of needing to invite acceptance is seeking validation from others for who you are, your actions. Trying not to do that is difficult, but not impossible. It is a slow process but an important facet of acceptance.

 

The present moment is not just a fraction of time; it is much deeper than that. It is very deep, very vast. One has to remember that there is a time for everything to happen and it will happen at the right time; if not, there’s always something bigger waiting. This makes acceptance a breeze. The result of acceptance is peace and more importantly, happiness.

 

Opposite values are complementary, stay stable in life. Make peace with yourself. There is a very profound quote by Charles Fulton Oursler, an American journalist (1893 – 1952) which I recommending framing in our heads:

 

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.”  

 

That’s all about it!

 

Pradeep Ramakrishnan

A realisation and a fervent ask...

The sun, that afternoon was blazing down, the heat of which was staved off bravely by the thick canopy of trees. When I was walking down the road after purchasing essentials, I couldn’t help notice the forlorn portly figure of the owner of a small eatery in my place. A handkerchief doubling up as a makeshift mask, there he was, sitting with the sadness, exasperation, frustration and perhaps, hope…all rolled into one, waiting for the inexplicable crisis that has descended upon the unsuspecting us holding our lives to ransom, to vanish.

As I passed him by, with the gentle breeze frolicking with my face, causing yellow marigolds to fall from the sky, brightening the already formed yellow canopy on the road, thoughts flashed by, thick and fast.

When will the worried freckles on his face vanish? When will his eatery get to open? When will he start doing business? When will he make money? His workers? Has he been able to hedge this bets (read: ‘loss’) somewhere else?

The contrast was seen in the two shops next to his: grocery peddlers, doing brisk business to panicked citizens, not sure whether to buy what to buy, but ending up buying whatever they could lay their eyes on. It was like wartime, I thought, having not seen one, thankfully. Maybe this is what wartime looks like, or worse.

Strange are these times. Really strange. No one except Hollywood scriptwriters could imagine such happenings earlier; Maybe the Gods took a leaf out of their books! An unknown, invisible enemy ‘taser’ing the entire world into submission. It is unimaginable, this situation in real life where bustling cities have become ghost cities, with people cooped up in their homes like caged animals – on another thought, are we now able to relate to the animals we hold in zoos, in captivity, against their will?

We have all been stopped dead in our tracks because of what one country did or did not do (depending on how you look at it; it’s another debate altogether for another day, when the knives will be out soon) but looking at people picking up the pieces, tiding days, weeks…maybe months, is an unpleasant sight.

When I realise and appreciate how insulated I am, courtesy the salary that gets (and will, hopefully be) credited despite the wheels of the world economy that have ground to a halt, courtesy my white collar job, my thoughts go out to these lesser mortals who have to fend for a living, survival.  

While I keep doing my bit with a dole to people of this strata who I know, I know that this cannot be a permanent solution, should this linger on.

Helpless as it sounds, I can only thank the Gods for my fortune – it is creepily interesting that my earlier post on my blog a few weeks back was on gratitude -, I try my bit to help the lesser mortals with a dole here and there; the larger one is a prayer and wish that this gets over soon, so that I can see a smile on their faces, more particularly of the owner of the eatery.

May the force be with us as we fight this out; may this vanish soon!

Gratitude

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

– Anonymous.

“What is done in return for something previously done can never be as great as the deed born out of sheer generosity, be it ever so small by itself.”

-        The Upanishads

“At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

– Albert Schweitzer

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

– Melody Beattie

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others.”

– Marcus Tullius Cicero

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”

– Cynthia Ozick

A cursory internet search for the word ‘gratitude’ throws up the following as its meaning:

“the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”

A friend of mine and I were having a discussion a fortnight ago on the things that have been elusive in life. You know, as with all these discussions, it veered down to:

“I want this..”,

“I want that…”,

“I don’t have this yet..”,

“I aspire…”,

“If only I had this…”

and so on. I, as much as her, was feeling mildly miserable, frustrated. Life seemed empty, as happens during these discussions.

During the course of the discussion, somehow, it turned to what we have in life. Surprisingly, the answers were:

“I have this...”,

“I have that…”,

“I have that too…”,

“Yes, I got this, that…”

“Of course I do…”

“I am happy that...”

“Oh, that’s a relief, you know…”

and what not.

At the end of it all, it left both me and her, happy. Satisfied. Contented. Perhaps, even relieved at times. It left me thinking. What happened during the conversation was that it had two portions – one a portion about what we (seemingly, at times) don’t have and the other was what we have. When we were conversing about what we have, we were feeling fulfilled. It was an expression of gratification, thankfulness.

This is not to say that one must not have ambition, but to make it consume you at the expense of gratitude does no good to you.

As much as I come to think about it and realise, I am convinced that the feeling of gratitude is positive. It releases endorphins, chemically speaking, and is an antidote to depression. When we keep thinking of what we don’t have – that car, those few thousands, that elusive relationship….we get depressed. We feel powerless; this leads to negativity and toxicity setting in.

There is a lot of science behind gratitude and it is important for good mental health; researches and studies prove the constructive effects of gratitude. There is no need for research to convince you about it; one has to just practice it to experience it. That will be your own research.  

Now the all-important question – how to practice gratitude?

Oh, that is so easy.

Mentally, take note of the good things that happen around you. Feel thankful in your head for each of those. If possible, which is in most cases, say “thank you” to the person who made it happen. It might even be a waiter serving your food, a person delivering a parcel, or anyone who says ‘Good morning’ to you! – the latter, more so, because the person bothered to remember you! I have always made it a point to thank anyone and everyone who adds little things to my life, even the most mundane of things. A smile in return adds to my day. There’s nothing like a smile to make you feel good, at times momentarily. Real gratitude lies in expressing it. It is easy, free and adds to the happiness of both the giver and the taker.

“If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself.” Tecumseh (1768–1813), Native American leader. So there are reasons and reasons for thanking.

I go back to my moral science classes where they taught you the simplest of things – three magic words – ‘Sorry’, ‘Please’ and ‘Thanks’!

In fact, there is even a Thanksgiving Day, a national holiday celebrated on various dates in the United States, Canada and other countries. Though there are religious connotations to it, it began as a day of giving thanks ‘and sacrifice for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year.

See the beauty in all things. Life’s uncertain. I wrote this on my twitter handle recently – ‘Everyday, you move 24 hours closer to your death. That is a morbidly profound quote. It indeed makes you do more every hour. If you ask me, gratitude should be on the top of such to-do list!

The Whys and Whats of Love

Why does love make one babble

Why do words disappear

Why do we forget what language we speak

Why does the tongue stick inside

Why does the heart beat unpredictably

Why does one not be able to track time

What is the intangible that stops this world for the lover

Why do eyes keep searching for the beloved and only the beloved

Why does the body drink the sun, the rain and the wind with equal (dis)passion

Why do voices around one not matter

Why does the head refuse to think

Why does one not get sleep, not feel hunger

Why does one feel such desire

Why is this the best version of peace one can get

Why do the eyes, the ears, the mouth, the body yearn for the person one loves

Why do we smile secretly and publicly

Why is there so much connect among the disconnect

Why do we want and not want to meet

Why do we feel light, float

Why do we beg this feeling to last...forever

Why this seamlessness, this weightlessness

Why do we want to feel that care, that touch

Why do we want to hold that hand

Why do we die for that glance

Why does that smile root us

Why do we dissolve in the thoughts of each other, like ....foam?

What do we rush for, what do we wait patiently for,

What do we want the universe to tell us,

What is love, this ceaseless amazement

What is love, this that makes us feel strength, endurance

What is love, but the eyes that long for us

What is love, but the hands that assure and reassure

What is love, but the hugs that make us forget

What is love, but the ear that willingly listens

What is love, but the kiss that makes us lose ourselves

What is love, but that what fills us with peace

What is love, but that what makes us feel respected

What is love, but pure faith

What is love, but guidance and kindness

What is love, but the magic and the stubbornness to believe in the magic?

The magic of serendipity

“Nothing in life is a foregone conclusion unless and until it is foregone and concluded” 

― Rasheed Ogunlaru

“It's all a series of serendipities 
with no beginnings and no ends. 
Such infinitesimal possibilities 
Through which love transcends.” 

― Ana Claudia Antunes, The Tao of Physical and Spiritual

“Throughout this journey of life we meet many people along the way.
Each one has a purpose in our life.
No one we meet is ever a coincidence.” 

― Mimi Novic

“Serendipity will take you beyond the currents of what is familiar. Invite it. Watch for it. Allow it.” 

                                                                                                      ― Jeanne McElvaney

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous." 

-Albert Einstein

She had an appointment with the dentist that evening; she was rushing back home. There was, as is ordained with every office, a deadline to complete a task on a day when you have a personal engagement. She had postponed the dentist visit thrice already and was in no mood to put it off further. She met her director to inform him of the fact that she was being forced to leave early that day. Her director, being a considerate man, agreed. She was making mental calculations as to how she would reach, driving down. Her mind was juggling between choices - of driving down and the less stressful choice of taking the company bus, due after 20 minutes. Ever ‘should I, or not?’ question in life reveals as to why the human mind, well, is indeed a monkey. She finally plumped for the car.

Her office was stationed on the 19^th floor. Office space is hard to come by; a premium. Hence many companies have their offices in a building – Hers was on 19^th, his on 13^th.

The lift stopping at the 13th floor of the building had significant impact on her. The heart would thump, the blood would get cold and at times, the beats would race.... Only to slow. She would pray as much to have a sign of him as much as wish not to. It is a weird feeling when you want and don’t want to meet a person.

The lift stopped at the 13th floor. It wasn't the office rush yet and she was alone in the lift, standing at one end near the buttons. It was him. It was because of him, the one personality who had thrown her life upside down over the past year and a half or so. It's amazing as to how perfect strangers, come together, become acquaintances, then friends, best friends, and unfortunately to being strangers again. You don't want to, it's unpleasant, but life, that's the way it is. She was reminded of a Nicholas Sparks quote – ‘People change. Circumstances change.’

The doors of the lift opened. she couldn't see anyone. The fingers of her left hand were searching for the 'close' button when it happened. Events happen in a flash.

There he was.... she couldn't believe it. She was leaving earlier that day and did not expect him, of all people to be in that lift; but strange is destiny.

Serendipity.

She nodded her head, as if in half an ask as to if he wanted to get in. Her face, radiant as it was, turned pale... The one that happens with chameleonic frequency when you don't want to be in a situation where you are forced to be in.

He, after half a nod, entered. Ah, she could not contain herself. The heart started running like a headless chicken, so much so that she could feel it pound in crystal clear Dolby sound. She went to the other end of the lift, the other corner with the buttons.

She froze. They looked into each others’ eyes only to unwillingly draw them back, like reflex action.

His green shirt barely helped him camouflage the sudden little paunch he seemed to be unwillingly patronizing. Of late, every day, that was the sole, sore physical grudge he had. He had played out of his skin to get to where he was from a roly poly mound of flesh that he once was.

The past ten months or so, she was living only on memories. Only memories. Nothing else. A chance encounter would elicit a nod, an awkward smile.... That's it. It was hard, hard to live this life, but she wasn't able to make much headway. They had more than feelings for each other, but something stopped them from sharing them.  

Do people move on? If not are they caught in a time warp, a myth, a web of lies, perhaps.... Which they only create? They were both sure that each had tried their best to eradicate memories, feelings, but of no avail and with no success.

This was like a permanent thought in her head, with everything else having the luxury of saying goodbye. This never went, rather, refused to go.

“Ground floor?” she asked. She was going to the basement as her car was parked at the basement.

“Yes,” he said, proceeding to press the button, which they eventually ended up pressing together.

He tried to start a conversation, knowing fully well that it would be as awkward as it can get.

“Leaving early?”

“Yes, I have an appointment with the dentist, which is why I am leaving sooner. What is it about you; you always stay late.” she asked, to his surprise.

The surprise was because she hadn't shared anything with him even after his probing questions over the past year. If they had been a couple, they would be called estranged.

 “Was a bit too tired today and hence I thought I will scoot an hour early. Not feeling too well.”

They both did not know what prompted them to have the conversation they were having. But it was all happening. She was only playing a role. He was, too. The role meant for her. And him.

His musk perfume pervaded the tiny area of the lift. The conversation was happening oblivious of the people flitting in and out of the lift at every other floor. Rather, every floor.

 “Of.... Of course. You aren’t known to take great care of your health. Office has been worship always, hasn’t it?” she said, with the sarcasm she was always known for and a strange kind of firmness he wasn't used to.

Unbeknownst to her, she was feeling good and happy at accidentally being in the right place at the right time, like bumping into someone at a place unplanned. This was a sudden feeling.

After a very short pause during which he was searching for a reply, or rather a reply which he would find appropriate, she posed, “I.... I am driving down... So if you want to, you may join.”

“Oh, no!” he thought. Aloud. Or was it “Oh, yes?”

For once, it seemed strange. All these days, nay, months, they avoided eye contact, at all time sharing only an awkward nod or raised eyebrows. There was something that day which stopped her. And him. Sometimes things happen, whether they are coincidences or whatever you call - fate or destiny, maybe, take your pick – but when they result in making you smile, you don’t want to investigate. Perhaps, you will be left with more questions than answers if you do.

The lift was empty at Floor five. Just when the doors were closing, an office boy rushed in carrying files. He got in, only to get out. He forgot something, perhaps? Or he wanted them to have a few more private seconds?

Destiny works in strange ways

She raised her head to look at him. Her observation prowess being top notch, she surveyed him in nano seconds. The musk was lingering out there and playing its part.

That day, suddenly, out of the blue, she felt an urge to connect with him. She felt the olden days. Why? She could not fathom why. There he was, before her, in flesh and blood, but she felt like how she did when she met him the first time. What is magnetic that connects one day and repels another? Strangely, it was happening to him too. Maybe if the bad things did not happen, he and she would not appreciate the magical happening.

The ground floor. She expected him to exit the lift, now that he hadn’t replied to her offer.

“Aren’t you getting out?”

“I thought you were driving me down! Aren’t you?”

“So, you wish to join me?” She asked.

He made a half nod at that and then it escaped. His smile, that is.

Then they smiled. Lovely beautiful smiles. Smiles with the power of lessening burdens, the power of healing, the magic of love, of life. For moments they were looking into each others’ eyes. And smiling.

They didn't exchange a word till they reached her car. She then pressed the ignition to whirr the car to life. Just like they felt a whirr to their lives, suddenly.

It started raining when they left the building.

How, what, why... No questions could be answered. There was something waiting to be felt that day - safety, care, security, lust, love... Whatever you call it. It obfuscated the past, rather the uncomfortable things from the past.

Serendipity. Maybe the universe fights for souls to be together. And wins. It makes hearts speak in the same language and heartbeats to share the same voice. We don’t choose one another, the universe does.

Perhaps it is how abstract that is.