I believe in pink - II

(contd)

“It is relative. You know, it changes from day to day; it’s so uncertain. The pitfalls of my profession are too well known. You are as good as your last release. It is a male dominated industry. Whatever they want, they do. The scenes, dialogues, camera angles – there is chauvinism in every single aspect. We are just objects. ‘Walking porn’, as an IPL cheerleader famously said.”

I was listening intently, nibbling at another portion of my bar of chocolate.

“When I enter a hotel room, you know, the first thing I do, is scan for cameras. In the room and in the bathroom. And yes, in my vanity van, too. Once, an AD brings his phone, with a topless picture of mine, shot when I was changing...”

“’AD’?” I interrupted.

“Assistant Director!"

“Oh...”

“You know what he wants next. He threatens me to expose it if I did not oblige. I did not know what overcame me but I snatched the phone from him and smashed it on the floor. I then took the memory card from the floor. He was too shocked to react to the turn of events as he did not expect them to happen that way. I kicked him out. That was more than a year back. A couple of days back, he meets me in Chennai at an awards function and, requests politely, in front of his producer, as if nothing had happened between us, ‘Madam, can we have discussions on my first directorial project?’ Ah, the cheek! Just because my last two films were big hits then. Can hypocrisy be more pronounced than that?”

“That’s terrible. Very sad,” I said. I felt an instant later that I could have expressed my disappointment better. I am generally bad at words; when in a spot in particular. It is always hindsight that tells me that I could have reacted better. The damage is done by that time.

Suddenly, she went to a different plane. “Why are men like this Pradeep? Are you all like that? It is so disgusting...”

“No,” I interrupted, “I don’t think so. I am not..” I did not know where they came from. I should not have tried to defend, especially when I know that many men I know were saints only because of one thing – lack of opportunity. Defending the indefensible, apparent when it is, is a pretty wrong thing to do and it offends the person trying to make a point.

She flew into a mild rage. “Don’t defend, Pradeep! Don’t defend. Don’t act as if you people are saints!," she said, with genuine disappointment, sadness and anger all taking over at the same time. “You do not represent the entire manhood! If I wasn’t comfortable and trusting you, I would not be sitting here at this hour! I know you people! I have had three failed relationships and one almost marriage to know you! And yes, I meet you sharks daily!”

The ‘you’ in her dialogue was a bit harsh to hear as I was part of that group that was being pointed fingers against. And boy, wasn’t she right? More than right.

She was cross with me as it looked apparent that I was trying to support the male bastion as such, when I was not. I stood up, went to the kitchen and brought two packs of Paper Boat pomegranate juice and thrust one in her hand. “It is not cold, but the weather does not require a cold drink.”

I opened the pack for her. After initial refusal, more arising due to disappointment from a perceived lack of support than anything else, she took a sip of the juice.

“Do you think this will cool me down?”

“May be. I don’t know. I hope it does.”

I could sense that her eyes were beginning to get moist. A tear ran down her right cheek.

“And that bloody hero....” she began again. I got up from my chair and went up to her.

“Get up. Come here.”

“What are you.....”

“Shh. Come here”

She stood up. I gently tugged at her left hand and opened my arms and took her in. It was an action, a gesture that arose in spontaneity, perhaps also because I knew I had no solution. No words assuage your feelings, particularly when you are genuinely facing problems that have no answers. Sometimes, the other person may just compound the disappointment by trying to speak.

She held me tight. I could feel her sobbing, at time uncontrollably, through the embrace. The longest embrace that I have been part of. The left shoulder portion of my T-shirt was becoming wetter by the second. At times, her hug became tighter, with fear and pain reeking all through. The hug, rather than words, seemed most appropriate. It is different. Sometimes, all you need is a shoulder to cry upon, just a hug to comfort you. It is not going to alleviate the trouble, make the obstacles disappear. But it gives you strength to fight the battle. It makes you feel better as it takes the heaviness off your chest. There is a semblance of lightness, a feeling of relief, albeit momentarily. But it has its effect in as much that it reassures the other person that there is someone for them.

The only sound apart from the fan, and her sobbing was the rain pounding outside. I motioned her to sleep and showed her the bed I had made for her. She lay down and appeared to be dozing off.

(to be contd.)

Part III contd at http://e-kirukkalgal.blogspot.in/2016/08/i-believe-in-pink-iii.html