Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Excerpts from Anna Rodrigues' diary


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(image source: the internet)

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret,  guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love"
- Jennifer Edwards

Stand up, be bold, be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders, and know that you are the creator of your own destiny.
-          Swami Vivekananda

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Live your life, sing your song. Not full of expectations. Not for the ovations. But for the joy of it.
-          Rasheed Ogunlaru

Freedom can never be reached by the weak. Throw away all weakness. Tell your body that it is strong, tell your mind that it is strong, and have unbounded faith and hope in yourself.
-          Swami Vivekananda
  
Exhaust your worries and they will soon leave you.
-          Stephen Richards

Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a prepaid card with limited validity.  
-          Chetan Bhagat

Where there is a will, there is a will to search and discover  a better day
Where a positive heart is all you need to rise beyond and succeed
When times are dim say as I say "Where there's a will there's a way!
-          Tupac Shakur

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones!
-          Mike Dooley

What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.
-          Mandy Hale
         
Abdul was rushing for the 5:33 pm Vashi local train on a wet September evening in 2015. Just as he was reaching the Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, Bombay, his eyes caught a book on philosophy he was searching for months. He asked the book seller, “How much?”’Two hundred.” “Two hundred?” “Ýes, this is a rare book, though a slim volume.” Abdul was in a rush to catch the train and had no time to bargain. He forked out 200 rupees and bought the book. Once in the comforts of his home at Vashi, New Bombay he opened the book. He started reading portions of it and then flipped the book. To his surprise, there were small sheets of paper, seemingly hidden inside the book. Some of them fell out. It was in neat handwriting, presumably that of a lady. There were five sheets of paper. They appeared like torn off sheets from a diary. He started examining them.  

May 20, 2015

The difficulty and pain that arises from lack of sleep due to things that plague your heart is something that I don't wish to even my worst enemy, even though I am not sure that I have got one. The darkness and the stillness of the night only compounds the situation. You just realize how helpless you are in life and how you are dependent on external factors, circumstances and people to help you. This paralysis is affecting the whole body and unfortunately the brain and the heart. What can I do but just surrender, kneel down and pray? Why does this hurt so much?

May 23, 2015

I only know God is doing this for a reason. Though this is perhaps the most hurtful phase in my life, I will get over it as I know that something good is waiting in the end. The problem with me is that I am too concerned about people their feelings and opinions. I don't want to hurt them even unknowingly. This certainly is not the right approach to life but I am unable to do anything else.

May 24, 2015

My life has become such that I am taking it every one hour at a time. Just an hour. I am unable to think beyond the hour. Yes, when you can't do anything, the best you can do is just hang in there. Just keep surviving. Wait it out. Senthil was talking today on the importance of staying there in the game of cricket – stand and the runs will come, he said. Everything in life needs patience. I can do that. Isn't that the least I am expected to do?

May 29, 2015

Office meanders along. I try my best to engage myself. I am a team leader. My company depends on me. After all, I need to be honest for the money I take and not be a bad example to people who look up to me.

June 1, 2015

Every now and then I fall into a trough. It is very difficult during those times. It is very depressing. Very shocking to note that I could fall into depression myself. Amusing sometimes, to note that I had given a talk on how to avoid depression some time back. How times change! How people change! How have I changed! This is something that is paralysing my head, heart and body altogether.

June 3, 2015

I look at people, birds, trees. The TV lies unused. When did I last switch it on? I try to read, walk. I even sometimes just sit aimlessly. It is all about pushing myself to survive another day. Can I? Can this end, please? Why is this so difficult? Is it because I have a heart? Or is it because my head is not strong?

June 6, 2015

The world does not know me. The real Anna Rodrigues. This is not a person they have ever seen. In fact this is someone who I have myself not seen! 

June 9, 2015

When the day ends, I am happy... I have suffered, but survived another day, which gives hope that I can do it again another day. How long can I do this?

July 1, 2015

If egg is broken by outside force, life ends. If broken by inside force, life begins. Great things always begin from (inside). What a line! I am feeling something. Inside me? Perhaps. Can something come in from inside me?

July 1, 2015

The greatest test of faith is when you don't get what you want but still you are able to say... "Thank You Lord”. Yes Lord, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. But help me, please.

July 2, 2015

When someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation.....It is that simple! How profound! Is it so simple, though? Ah, how I wish I could do that!

July 6, 2015

If it's meant for you, you won't have to beg for it. You will never have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny. God, can you give me that power, please?

July 10, 2015

No? Yes!

Abdul was unmoved for sometime after reading the excerpts from the diary. Anna Rodrigues.....it was a lady; he was right. He flipped the book to find if there were any more loose papers. He could not find any. His mind oscillated between concern and partial nervousness because she had written them only around three months back. Uneasily, he opened his smartphone and searched the internet for the combination of “Ánna Rodrigues + Mumbai”. He clicked the news tab on Google. While he was searching for the words itself, the words “Anna Rodrigues”, suicide” came up. His heart skipped a beat. Mild beads of sweat appeared over his forehead. Then he clicked on the links:

“Borivli: Techie attempts suicide, saved at hospital”

“Doctors save techie who attempted suicide”

“All is well for techie who attempted suicide”

He learnt that Anna Rodrigues, 28, a team leader at Genpact India, leading BPO services provider attempted suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills at her Borivli home on Friday, July 10, 2015. However, she was moved to the hospital by alert neighbours and since it was done in time, doctors could save her life. She was recuperating at the hospital.


A jolt of relief shot through Abdul. Unbeknownst to him, his face curved a smile. A thought crossed his head – he resolved to meet Anna. 

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Wow.... Interesting.

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