Can you forgive?

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong."

- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

"Two persons cannot be friends if they cannot forgive each other's little failings."

Jean De La Bruyere, French philosopher (1645-1696)

"Conquer anger with forgiveness, win the wicked with kindness, educate the niggardly with generosity, overcome injustice with truth. Forgiveness is virtue; forgiveness is sacrifice."

- The Mahabharata

"Forgiveness to be a godly quality foundational for liberation."

- The Bhagavad Gita

"Forgive them, even if they are not sorry."

- The Quran 

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

- The Bible

"The first to apologise is the bravest. The first to forgive the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest."

- Unknown

"Where there is forgiveness, there is God Himself."

- Adi Granth

"To err is human; to forgive, divine."

- Alexander Pope, English poet (1688-1744), in 'An essay on criticism'

"Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself."

- Tony Robbins (born 1955), American motivational speaker

(image source: www.broncopress.com)

I have reproduced a lot of quotes on forgiveness above. The reason is that forgiveness is best understood by such quotes. There is not much to write about this trait, if you can understand the import of these quotes.

What is forgiveness? Why should one forgive and why should people be forgiven? What happens if you forgive?

Forgiveness is the act of showing compassion towards a perceived wrong done to a person. It is the act of letting go of a negative emotion of vengefulness. When someone wrongs you, you feel violated and thirst for an opportunity to give it back. But can you give it back by pardoning that person, especially if he confesses to the act and seeks forgiveness? If you do so, then you have the trait which very few people possess in this world.

A lot of philosophies underlie the importance of forgiveness as an angelic, even godly trait. When you forgive, you tend to let go of a negative emotion and your heart feels lighter.

But can you forgive every wrong done to you? No, that is not possible. Here is a story of Saint Eknath, a prominent Marathi saint, scholar, and religious poet, who lived from 1533-1599.

As Saint Eknath bathed one day in the sacred Godavari, a person, goaded by another group of persons, spat on him as he came out of the water. Without a word of reproach, Saint Eknath simply went in and bathed again; as he came out wearing clean clothes, the person spat again and he went on and on every time Saint Eknath returned to the bath and came out so that he had countless baths until the foolish fellow got tired and was won over by his patience and forbearance. “Forgive me,” he said, “I did wrong to spit at you thus.” “Not at all,” replied Saint Eknath, “I was wrong to come in your way.” His humility had the effect of plunging the man into a well of repentance and he fell at his feet. “Alas, I am a sinner, Maharaj, please bless me and forgive me!” “No, no” said Saint Eknath, “you did no wrong. Thanks to you I took 108 baths in the Godavari, it has done me good.”

Well we cannot be like him, but the message from the above story is that you can be as forgiving as you want to. When you forgive, you let go of a baggage and you feel light. You have shown compassion and kindness to the person who has wronged you. It shows your character.

But can you forgive every wrong? A repetitive mistake? Mistakes can be made, but they perhaps should not intentionally be repeated. But, mistakes, if they are not intentional, should be forgiven forthwith. When a person repeats a mistake knowingly, then it is upto you to decide on whether you should forgive him or not. We cannot be like Saint Eknath above and do it every time.

However, forgiveness strengthens relationships, as long as the person who seeks to be forgiven does not commit a deliberate wrongful act. It does result in peace and lengthens / strengthens such relationships.

Forgiveness cannot be thrust upon a person because it is he who feels the impact of an act that hurt him. We cannot place ourselves in the shoes of another person because each one is built in a different way. However, people make mistakes but they should not be made to pay for the rest of their lives. Further, it takes a strong person to say sorry, but a stronger person to forgive. Life is actually easier when to learn to accept sincere apologies. There can be no peace without forgiveness because if don't bury the hatchet, the vengeance will continue to be in your heart till you commit an act the other person do to you. Can you repent at that time?

Remember - forgiveness cannot  change the past, but it can change the future. It leads to reconciliation and more importantly, peace.